Thursday Thinking – My Top Ten List

Monica wrote a wonderful post here, a long, long time ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. When I am frazzled and feel like I’m trying to do too many things at once (yet without getting anything done) and any sense of priorities and time management have long since been thrown out the window, this idea of a daily checklist pops into my head. I know I need that sense of direction and some sort of guide for how to spend my time.

I had one of those days yesterday. Too much to do and too little time to do it all, and I seemed to be spending all my time and energy on trivial things. M wanted me to spend time with him, and all I could do was get irritated… with him and with myself. I wanted to spend some special time with M, but I also wanted (and needed) to do a dozen other things. I was running crazily around with the subtle feeling that I was, just maybe, making the wrong sacrifices in order to get less important things checked off of the to-do list.

I sat down at the kitchen table and finally just did it – wrote my daily top ten list – and it took me all of 5 minutes. 5 minutes of a little clearer vision and some listening to what my heart was trying to tell my brain. :)

Shortly after writing this, I sat down again and tried to place each item in order of importance. Things like tidying up and making a healthy dinner are not on the list, even though they are important to me, but these are things that are already built into my days and are habit and routine already.

Ready? Here it is…

1. Quiet time for prayer/reflection/Bible – aim for both morning and evening, but at least morning. 10 minutes minimum, most days I should be able to spend a good 20 minutes at a time though.

2. Meaningful time with my husband. Connecting with him and paying attention to him and even (gasp!) doing something nice just for him each day. I have to admit I find it easy to put him last.

3. Morning prayer with M – something short, but to get us both off on the right foot together first thing. And, to raise an awareness in him of the importance of this. We used to do this at breakfast, but lately we’ve gotten out of the habit as M isn’t hungry early on and when he’s ready to eat we just say a quick grace, nothing more (I eat much earlier).

4. Spend 20 minutes, minimum, reading books with M, preferably while cuddling. Books at bedtime don’t count towards this.

5. Spend 20 minutes playing with M, doing something he wants to do. (Most likely this will be tot school activities, since this is what he loves to do together, but I will not push it… it’s too easy to make that more important than it should be for a 3 year old).

6. Ensure that housekeeping chores on the list for the day are done.

7. Rest/quiet time for M (and probably me) each afternoon – at least 30 minutes.

8. Some sort of art, craft, or sensory activity every day.

9. Music time – anything simple – putting on a favorite cd and playing a game or dancing, learning a new song, playing with our instruments, etc.

10. Outside time if weather permits.

Number 10 will be a higher priority in spring. In Minnesota it just isn’t always possible to go out in the winter… my cut off is 30 degrees, which is actually pretty warm by MN standards. I know kids at school go out in much colder weather. I don’t like to be cold, I’d prefer to hibernate to tell you the truth. ;)

Many of these will be accomplished in the regular course of our day… if we go out and play in the snow, that’s outside time, sensory time, and play time together all in one. And the Art Box will normally take care of number 8. I just like having them written down so I have hard evidence of what’s important to me and a guide for how to best manage my time each day.

And, just so you know, I DO spend time with M each day, usually several stretches of time throughout the day, but it’s hard for me to put that first. I always think I’ll play with him after I get something important done. Having it written down is a reminder that it really is more important than a lot of the other things. And, I’m trying to remember what Maryanne pointed out in this awesome post of hers… that spending time with your child early on in the day makes it easier for them to spend time on their own later. They need that attention and affection from us, and it’s hard for them to do much without us if that need hasn’t been met.

And, as a side note, you can see blogging didn’t make the list at all. As much as I enjoy it, it could become a full-time job if I let it, and that’s not what I want, not to mention not what’s best for my family! However, I’m pretty sure I’ll still find time for it (obviously I did today!). :)

I also have a list of priorities for each week (which I’ve had for years, updating it occasionally)– what needs to be done at home, a meal plan, activities outside of home, errands, etc. I plan to post about this sometime soon. A new year around the corner is always a good time to think about these things!

I’d love to hear what your daily top ten consists of!!

Have a beautiful Christmas Eve! :)

The Minds of Boys – continued…

{parts 1 and 2 can be found here and here}

I have finally finished the book I’ve been reading and blogging about – The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life, by Michael Gurian.  (Seriously, what happened to the days when I could finish a book like this in a week?  This took me over a month!)

More bullet points of things I want to remember from this book…

• 
  
  The brain needs the complex interaction of all 5 senses in order to grow its tissue fully.  Because of this, screen time, especially in early childhood, can be detrimental to brain development, even if the child is watching “educational” shows. (p. 112)

• 
  
  “for every hour of television watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10 percent.” – from research in 2004 by a brain researcher at Children’s Hospital in Seattle – Dr. Dimitri Christakis. (p. 112)

• 
  
  Water is important to the brain.  Being thirsty causes problems for learning because it increases cortisol levels, creating stress.  The cortisol can make it difficult for the brain to give attention to learning tasks.  Juice and other drinks are not enough; within 5 minutes of drinking plain water cortisol levels can decrease. (p. 119)

• 
  
  A lot of carbohydrates in breakfast can make a brain “groggy”.  Protein helps keep the brain in a state of alertness. (p. 120)

• 
  
  The male brain develops  many learning functions later than the female brain.  Therefore more boys experience stress and pressure to mature more quickly, as well as  failure in school at an early age.  This can label them as “difficult”, “learning-disabled”, or “a discipline problem” for their entire school career.  Personal failure as a 3 to 5 year old can lead to an undermotivated boy in later school years. (p. 246)

• 
  
  Music and music classes help “wake up the brain” and having a music time prior to lessons may help with learning. (p. 273)

This was a very enlightening and interesting book.  I did find that the author did not seem to encourage homeschooling as much as I had hoped.  He referred to it as more of a last-resort if traditional schooling just isn’t *working* for a particular boy.

I found all the brain research and the differences between the brains of boys and girls fascinating. 

This book definitely helped me come up with some new ideas for how to plan my time at home with M.   We’ll be incorporating more breaks into our “school” time together; I’ll be trying to find more creative and active ways to engage him; at this age self-esteem and a sense of confidence are what I’ll try to instill in him most, as well as a secure attachment to those who are here to support and love him; we’ll also be concentrating on having more FUN and developing a joyful enthusiasm for learning; more music will be coming up too!  In addition, I’ll be more careful about what he’s eating for breakfast and making sure he drinks plenty of water during the day.   This will be hard for my sugar-loving, meat-hating child, but we will take it all in baby-steps. ;)

Have a beautiful day and make sure your kids do too! :)

The Minds of Boys

I want to share some more wisdom about boys in the book I’m currently reading, The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life, by Michael Gurian. I shared some of this in a previous post, which you can find here.

I’m just going to do this bullet point style so I don’t get too wordy. :) These are things I want to remember after I take this book back to the library. If you want to hear more about a particular point, just ask in the comments!

I should mention that the author tends to go out of his way to say quite often that these things work well for some girls too, and he is in no way advocating these things only for boys. His study, however, has taken a great amount of information about the differences between the average boy and girl brains into consideration. The key here is that he is speaking of the average boy, while allowing that there are some boys that this does not apply to, as well as some girls that it does apply to.

Here we go…

• Boys have greater blood flow in their cerebellum, which is the area of the brain that controls “doing” and physical activity. Boys are more likely to attach their learning to physical movement. Movement is in fact often crucial to “male-brain” learning. (p. 48)

• Boys in general pick up less of what is aurally going on around them, especially when it is said in words, and need more sensory-tactile experience in order to learn about something. (p.48)

• When having to memorize material, boys succeed well when greater amounts of information come in list organization and in listed substrata (point, sub point, etc). (p. 49)

• Boys don’t learn as much through sitting and talking, nor gravitate toward it as naturally as girls do. This is due to the differing levels of certain hormones in the brain. (p. 49)

• Boys are not able to switch quickly from task to task; doing so causes frustration and a change in the aggression area of the brain (amygdala) which can contribute to disciplinary issues in classrooms. (p. 50)

• Boys brains reorient themselves between tasks by moving to a “rest state”, and this is essential to male brain activity, but can cause problems in a classroom (boys zoning out, etc). When this happens some boys fidget, become restless and/or hyper in an attempt to stimulate their brains to a learning state again. (p. 51)

• Many boys are more likely to talk, read, and write better after they’ve gained the brain stimulation of gross motor movement. Their verbal centers “wake up” because their body movement has stimulated the whole brain. (p. 86)

• Boys tend toward spatial-mechanical play and learning and use more space than girls often will. When confined in smaller spaces, boys often get antsy and frustrated, and “bounce off the walls”. Discipline problems follow. It takes more real space to “engage the world through the spatial centers of the brain”, which is what the boy does.(p. 92)

• Discipline problems with boys have been shown to decrease when preschools expanded the physical floor plan. (p. 92)

• The author talks about “aggression nurturance” in male to male communication and how important the extremely physical play between boys (and grown men) is. “Boys who often lack the ‘use your words’ methodology for intimacy, nurture themselves and others through aggressive gestures and activities. … it’s often the case for boys (and men) that aggressive gestures are as nurturing as words, as bonding as hugs. … [they] build trust and loyalty by exploring weakness and strength in a playful, teasing way.” (p. 93)

Whew, ok that’s enough for one post. :) I could probably type this whole book out, it’s really opened my eyes to so much.

That last point really stuck out to me and it’s something I need to keep in mind as I try to understand my son.

Have a beautiful day! :)

The Relationship between Love and Learning

Something about the idea of M sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day for 12 years of his life in order to *learn* has not been sitting well with me. It’s one of many reasons I’m drawn toward all you homeschooling moms. I seriously wonder how it was ever decided that children should learn this way, especially boys.

My boy isn’t a sit still kind of guy. :) And I’m not sure helping him learn to be that kind of guy is what I really want for him.

I’ve been reading The Minds of Boys: Saving our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life, by Michael Gurian. So far it’s fascinating. The book, as a whole, talks about how boys learn and what needs to change in current teaching practices to help boys succeed in school. In chapter 3 he talks about helping boys learn before they begin school, and what we as parents can do to prepare them for learning.

Interestingly, the first thing he touches on is love and attachment. Apparently affection, *good touching*, and love affect the brain’s development, especially the areas of the brain that involve learning.

“Children with secure attachments are more likely to make learning gains for a biological reason : the organic mechanisms in the brain by which the brain learns require secure attachment in order to grow fully.” (p. 71)

Attachment is defined as the “ongoing process of affectionate caregiving that nurtures the [parent-child] bond throughout a lifetime.”

I’m finding so much good information in this book, and I want to share some of it with you – especially those of you with sons! And I want to record some info here for myself too, since this is a library book and I know I’m going to want to remember a lot of what I’m reading!

Gurian lists 10 ways to promote attachment between ourselves and our sons. These are geared specifically towards boys because, believe it or not, boys and girls are different (seriously!). And these ways work with the average boy brain in mind…

(Number 8 especially stood out to me.)

1. Bursts of Attention – 5 long bursts, several minutes, of undivided attention every day (along with smaller bursts too).

2. Lots of affirmation – notice accomplishments and efforts, give praise and hugs

3. Verbal Mirroring – use words to describe what your son is doing; listen carefully to your toddler, then repeat back to him what he says - “You’re right, that is a big car".

4. Physical Play – playtime is organic learning time for body and brain (this is something I definitely need to work on – my husband is so much better with M in this area).

5. Leadership – let your boy take the lead in activities often, imitate him, play follow the leader and take turns being the leader.

6. Enthusiasm – the feeling of joy is often directed through the temporal lobe of the brain, development of it helps with enthusiasm later for learning. Find things to do together that inspire your son’s enthusiasm and joy.

7. Predictability – Provide consistent, predictable structure and clear limits. This promotes secure attachment.

8. Self-management – Gurian says here, “Implement behavior management strategies that are based on your son’s developmental stage rather than a later or earlier stage. Expecting your son at three to ‘use his words’ when he’s angry will, almost every time, be developmentally inappropriate. He may just need to throw a tantrum (in a safe place), hitting the floor with his fists until he releases his energy.”

9. Choice Making – Do as little for him as you can, making sure he does as much for himself as he can; help him make acceptable choices. Making the right choices builds the frontal lobe in the brain.

10. Appropriate Discipline – no frightening him with yelling (at a young age… at an older age it might be called for, occasionally), or any other inappropriate discipline.

There’s so much in this book that is really speaking to me and helping me to understand M, I’m sure I’ll be posting some more tidbits in the days to come.

Have a beautiful day! :)

Thursday Thinking – Focusing on What’s Important

Last week I rambled on and on about how to make our fall schedule work and getting everything I want to do fitted into our days; and it occurred to me after reading my post a few times that my focus was entirely on the wrong things.

I’ve been way too focused on tot-schooling / pre-schooling M. Way, way, way too focused. I love planning school activities, but when I’m totally stressed out because I just don’t know how I’m going to get it all done, something is very wrong.

M is only 3. He has the rest of his life, well his childhood at least, to learn about patterns, color shades, the sounds “C” can make, and so on… he doesn’t need to learn it all right now. Especially if Mommy is grumpy about it. He'll be going to school at age 6 (we will most likely not homeschool), and I only have a few more precious years with him. This thought has hit me with force the past few weeks. I don’t have time to work on getting my act together and figuring everything out. I need to be kind, patient, and gentle with him now, love him now, and help him to grow in love now.

I get a great amount of enjoyment and energy from putting things together to do with him, but my focus has shifted from “I want to have fun one-on-one time with you and maybe help you have fun learning in the process”, to “we’ve got to do this because I spent 2 days putting it together and I want to blog about it.”

Putting things together for him and planning our tot school time together is something I’ll continue to do as I can find the time, after all the important stuff is done. I want to keep it in our life, just not at the top of my list of priorities. It never should’ve risen to that spot in the first place.

Housework is another stressor for me – I don’t like cleaning (*news flash!*). But I do love the feeling of having the household running in an orderly manner. It’s important to me and so I’ve come up with what I want/need to have done on a regular basis. I hope to post about that some time soon (because this post is already too long and you are probably sick of these long rambling posts of mine!).

This post was a real eye-opener for me and I hope you’ll click over and read it – It says all my heart needs to remember as I “mother” M. I’m going to print it out so I can read it every day.

Have a beautiful day! :)

Thursday Thinking – Rethinking our Routines

We’ve been working on setting up a new routine here this week and there’s still a lot of adjusting and fine-tuning to do. 

Setting aside a large amount of time for “school” one day a week just isn’t cutting it for us right now.  We’ve been trying to make sure to spend one day per week at home, which I feel is reasonable, but I’ve been trying to get all the house-cleaning done that day, set aside a large chunk of time for tot school, and stuff in a bunch of other items from the never-ending to-do list… and I’ve been left feeling pretty… well, crabby, to be honest.  Stressed, exhausted, unhappy… that’s just not the mood I want to be in when M and I have special time together. 

So, I’m thinking of having activities that M can do by himself on Tuesdays (or whatever day it ends up being) that I can check in and out of while I take care of other necessary household *stuff*.  I’m not sure how I want to set this up… maybe tot trays or workboxes.  I like the Montessori method of having a specific “work” area that the child brings the work to, and which he cleans up before picking a new activity.  In my mind it works beautifully, but realistically I’m not sure M will really cooperate with it.  He’s not exactly a pick-up-after-himself sort of guy. :)  But we can all learn, right?  I bought a bamboo mat for him to use as his work area at Target this week as an optimistic act of faith. :) 

The other part of the plan is to then have 20 to 30 minutes a day of what I’m calling “circle time” in my head.  I don’t know what I’ll call it when talking to M; circle time sounds a little funny when it is pretty much just he and I!  But it will be time for a story, one or two activities, poems, songs, flannel board, etc.   I plan to make our weather chart part of this on a daily basis, sense we’ve gotten away from doing it.  Also, we will add in prayers, character building lessons, learn the days of the week, and maybe a game once in a while.   I think I will have it all revolve around certain themes.  The current theme is autumn, and I’m thinking there’s enough resources out there that we could easily do seasonal and holiday themes for a very long time! 

We’ll either try to do this in the mornings or after nap time, before it’s time to start cooking dinner.  M rarely takes a nap any more, I just have him rest for a while after lunch – this is when I let him watch a little TV (usually a dvd of Clifford shows or something along those lines), or sometimes he sits in bed and looks at books.  I’ve thought of doing our “circle time” after lunch since it would be easy to fit in then – but after trying it a couple of times I’ve found it to be disastrous.  He may not need a nap, but I definitely need a break of some sort at that time of day.  That is my energy low point and I need to take that time to rest, focus on something else, and just recharge my batteries. 

We’ve got a busy fall ahead of us – Mondays we have a pray/play group with a bunch of moms at church, then we run errands before lunch; every other Tuesday we will have a class at our local nature center (“playful polliwogs” – isn’t that cute?); Thursdays we’ll alternate between story time at the library and another church pray/play group at various moms’ homes;  Fridays will be our days for field trips or play dates with just one or two friends.  There’s also some activities at the local community center scattered throughout the calendar that we want to go to.  Whew.  I hope we can manage it all… and I hope that if we can’t manage it all I will have the presence of mind to rethink things and say no to some activities.  It’s hard to do, isn’t it?!?!

So, just thought I’d spell it all out here so I have a record of my plans, and maybe I’ll even get a few great suggestions!  Feel free to tell me how you get things done and still have time for your child(ren).

Happy fall!  Have a beautiful day! :)