Kindergarten Blues

We are looking into registering M for kindergarten this fall at the private school associated with our church.

I can not stop crying.

A little word of advice to any husbands out there:  If your wife is very, very pregnant, and her first child is also getting ready to start kindergarten – this might be too much for her, especially if she is unsure that this is in his best interests.  Don’t send her out to get info, tour schools, or sign registration papers on her own.  She just might not be able to force herself to do it.  Regardless of how much you might think you are on the same page, there is no guarantee that a mama in this situation is not going to just flip to another page or switch to an entirely different book altogether.  And if she’s pregnant, don’t expect to get many coherent thoughts out of her when she’s in the middle of crying.  She might be the most practical, articulate, logical-thinking woman on the planet, but when you’re talking about taking her heart of our her chest and handing it over to someone else, you are not likely to get the most objective of responses.

I’m just sayin’.

So.  I’m not sure what I want the point of this post to be… maybe it’s just an opportunity to vent (code for: ramble on and on while I indulge in self-pity and defensiveness), or an attempt to think things through on virtual paper so I sound a bit more coherent than the usual “wah, wah, sob, sob… my baby!” that I’ve been doing of late.  If you can stick with me, your comments are welcome!

First of all, I believe with all my heart, that parents have a very serious God-given responsibility when it comes to the education of their children.  It is such a serious responsibility that they need to take time to figure out what their own thoughts, beliefs, and philosophy of education are, and then diligently seek out the best way of giving their child this sort of education.  It’s more than just saying, “Well, he’s six years old now, time to go to school!” and then sending him off.  It’s more than basing the decision of where to send him on something as simple as “do they have half-day or whole-day kindergarten?” or “do the start and end times work for our family and transportation?”.  These things might be important, but really, they shouldn’t be the whole basis of decision. If we are going to be held accountable for the education of a child’s mind, heart, and soul – and we are, I believe – then we’d better be pretty darn serious about the details of it.

(I am talking here, of course, about parents who have a choice in educating their children… unfortunately so many parents do not.  Thankfully we find ourselves in a current situation where we are able to choose to send M to a private school, public school, or home school.  I know the fact that we have a choice is a blessing in itself, but there’s still a responsibility to make the best choice possible.)

So, if and when we have thoughtfully (and prayerfully) made the huge decision to delegate this responsibility of educating our children to someone else, it’s our right to know what that someone else is going to be teaching them, the style of teaching, and various other things. 

I was disappointed to learn that the particular school we are looking at uses computers and other screen technology, quite often, to “teach” 5 and 6 year olds.  I just don’t see how this is the best way for children of such a young age to learn.  Why is everyone impressed with technology in schools?  Does it help the child learn to think or is it simply glorified worksheets and busy-work?  Isn’t it likely that most small children will become so enamoured with the computer itself that the actual learning of the material will take a back seat?  And shouldn’t children be doing more hands-on learning activities anyway? Any technology they learn now will most likely be obsolete by the time they need to prepare for a job.  I just don’t get it, especially given the damage (yes, damage) that this sort of impersonal education can do to someone of such a tender age. 

I’m a big believer in intuition and instinct… and intuitively I have a problem with government telling my family that we must now send our child away for several hours a day for the next 13 years in order to educate him.  (By the way, I’m not crazy for thinking this way – there were many parental protests when schooling first became compulsory in Massachusetts in 1852.  Little by little those voices were ignored and quieted and now society simply sees this as the "way things are”, but compulsory schooling and our current system of schooling in institutions is a pretty recent development.)  Let me be clear – I am pro-learning!  Learning is what childhood is all about.  Learning takes guidance and direction by someone… but ideally that guidance and direction is geared towards the individual child – his abilities, needs, interests, etc.   Individuality – the dignity of each person’s uniqueness – is highly disregarded in today’s society and nowhere more so than in schools where children are lumped together and taught the same thing at the same age - things decided by people who do not even know them.  Teachers do their best to get to know the children and help them learn, but there are so many handicaps blocking their way that it’s difficult for even the best teacher to achieve this for each and every student.

Anyway, back to government being involved… I was happy to learn that our potential school has developed and uses its own curriculum… and then disheartened to learn that this coming year they are switching over to state standard curriculum and will be doing state standardized testing as well.  My heart sunk at this news.  And the person hosting our tour wasn’t able to give me the names of any of the curriculum that will be used (it’s weird, apparently, that a parent might want such precise details of what their child will be learning).  Perhaps the teachers themselves would be able to give me more information, but I’m not sure we’ll have the opportunity to be in touch with them about this before making a decision about registering.

Standardized testing leads so often to “teaching to the test” instead of really focusing on helping each child learn.  I’m not a fan, at all, of such things… or homework or multiple choice questions or a host of other things either, if you really must know. :) 

Learning to think… this is what we need more of today.  Andrew Pudewa makes a beautiful statement in his talk about Freedomship Education (which you can download here), in which he discusses a classical education – developing character, knowledge, and skills - the kind of education men like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and other great men early in our country’s history had (before compulsory schooling).  Andrew Pudewa says:

“We want to raise children who know how to think, and who have the knowledge, the wisdom, the character, and the skills to be able to speak the truth in a world of liars during a time of crisis.”

(This is a great talk to listen to, by the way… he also talks about the history of compulsory education, it’s real purpose [which is not teaching our children to think on their own], the problems with standardized testing, multiple choice tests, etc.)

So, where does one find a classical education today?  There are one or two schools around that would provide this for M, but they are e-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e!  And at least one of them is for older children only.  Thomas Sowell, an advocate of classical education, points out that parents seem to be more qualified and capable of giving their children a good education than professional teachers:

“It is common for ordinary parents, with no training in education, to homeschool their children and consistently produce better academic results than those of children educated by teachers with Master's degrees and in schools spending upwards of $10,000 a year per student-- which is to say, more than a million dollars to educate ten kids from K through 12.

Nevertheless, we continue to take seriously the pretensions of educators who fail to educate, but who put on airs of having "professional" expertise beyond the understanding of mere parents.” – Thomas Sowell, “Amateurs Outdoing Professionals”

Sowell discusses all sorts of educational problems in early elementary schools in the first part of his book, Inside American Education, if you are interested in a good summer read.

So here I am, where I’ve been a million times before, as you long-time readers know – face to face with my admiration of homeschooling.  It comes down to this… wanting peace for my family.  And the idea of homeschooling brings me more peace than any of the other options I’ve considered.  And I’ve considered them very, very hard – praying that God would either give me peace about sending M to school, lessen my desire to homeschool, or just out and out give me information to prove me wrong.  The opposite of all of these things has been happening – I feel less peace about sending M after learning more about this particular school, my desire to homeschool is growing, and all the information I’m finding is making me more and more certain that conventional schooling is not the road to go down for the best education for M.

The heartbreaking part of this is that with current circumstances (my husband has reservations about this, and I do feel he should have the final say so we can be sure we are doing the right thing) I have to be open to the idea that this is not God’s will for our family at this point in time.  But I feel so conflicted about doing something I don’t believe is the best for my son, thereby not being the best mother I can be and am called to be.  What’s a mama to do in a situation like this? 

Here’s the idealistic little picture in my head of a unified education, where learning is not a separate activity, done somewhere else, among other people, but as part of the whole of a child’s life:  a child in a one-on-one setting, with a nurturing grown-up’s arm around his shoulder, teaching him to read, to solve math problems, to love God, to love his neighbor, to learn about the wonders of nature via science, to learn about the creativity in his heart via art lessons, to learn about history, music, chores, being polite, everything under the sun (!)… along with a lot of affection, firm discipline, encouragement, guidance in all things related to mind, heart, and soul, all in a real-world setting of family and community (versus an artificial environment where everyone is the same age and treated as if they are all at the same developmental stage)… a holistic education of the entire individual, by someone whom God has placed in a position to really know and understand and deeply love that particular child – the way He loves that child – as an individual.

And, to me, that sounds like a mother doing the work God has given her by entrusting these little souls to her and her husband. 

I have to wonder if, when God created families, He thought it would be best to take the children away from their families several hours a day in order to educate them – or did He place them in their particular families with the intention that education would, for the most part, happen there?

And it’s an idealistic picture, yes, I know that.  And I’m pregnant and emotional, and not the best at dealing with reality right now – yes, I know that too, which is why I’m thankful to have a more objective husband.  But I’ve been on this road for 5 years now and looking back I can clearly see how this dream has developed and blossomed in my heart and maybe my current state is just an honest admission of what I’ve wanted to believe and say all along.  Barring any major change in our circumstances, having a baby will keep me at home for another 5 years.  I’d love to have both of my chicks nestled under my wing (I’ve had to let too many of them go too soon – maybe that is part of this too?), all of us learning together… and there are some practical and financial advantages as well.  Taking advantage of homeschool groups would be a large part of this too; I have no desire to suffocate my children or prevent them from being part of a larger community.

Am I being too overprotective?  Too controlling?  Hm.  Perhaps.  But I do know that someone is going to be in control.  If M goes to school, the system will be in control of what is being taught; teachers will be in control of whether he is learning as well as how he learns (so often you hear, “teacher wants us to do it this way, not that way, despite the fact that that way might be correct too, which I’d have to say undermines the intelligence and authority of the parent who might be just as correct); other children will be in control of his socialization (social skills should be taught by mature adults and older children, I firmly believe), and their actions and words will control, at least in part, how his personality develops – monitoring may be done by an adult, but the real learning of social skills will be taught by his peers.  It seems to me that if someone is going to be in control of these things, and we know someone must be, that someone ought to be the parents.

Some quotes that sum up my feeling about this “overprotective” issue:

“If you were going to grow tomatoes in Canada, you do not take the tomato seed and go outside and stick it in the ground, do you?  No.  What you do is get a little cup, maybe several little cups, and you carefully select and control the soil, control the amount of water, light, and heat it gets.  You don’t do all this, then stick it outside in the back of the pickup truck behind the barn.  You keep it inside on the windowsill or in a greenhouse area and you carefully control all the elements around that little seed as it grows.  You know where it needs to go, but when do you do that?  You do it when the plant is tall enough, the trunk is strong enough, the roots are deep enough, and you know the place where you are going to put it is safe enough, you take that seedling and put it outside where conditions are not under your control anymore.  There are going to be variables, but at least that plant has been prepared adequately to handle those variables.  When it all comes together you get a great plant because you did it all when the roots were deep enough and the stem was strong enough.” – Steve Moitozo – from 10 Myths of Socialization (free audio download)

and

“We are not home educating because we fear the world.  We are not building an impenetrable fortress within which we will shield our children from the onslaught of the enemy.  Rather, our goal as Catholics is to nurture our children, like young plants in a nursery, so that they will stand tall for Christ.” – Kimberly Hahn – Catholic Education: Homeward Bound

There.  Venting done.  For now. ;)

I am simply unsure of where to go from here.  I pray for the strength to trust that all things will work out for the best, despite the possible heartache of.going against my convictions… it’s a tough place to be for this mama.

Nicole

Surprise!

There is one tiny little bit of news I didn’t share with you in my most recent post. I thought it deserved a post of its own. ;)

Are you ready??

This little person is due in August, and M is hoping SHE will be born on his birthday. :)  Clarification:  we do not know if baby is a boy or a girl, but M is definitely hoping for a girl.  Me?  My current weak stomach is having trouble dealing with visions of Polly Pockets, Barbie Dolls, and an ocean of pink… so I’m focusing on trucks and all things blue, hee hee.  Of course we’ll be thrilled no matter what!!  We’ll find out when baby is born (more surprises!), not before.

Is it not crazy that I started 2011 with prayers for a baby and we found out mid-December that I was pregnant.  It came on the heels of a 2-week flu bug, and threw me for a loop, for sure.  I had recently truly made peace with the idea of never having another baby, and… well… just so crazy.  I can honestly say the emotions that go with having a surprise like this are very different than the ones that go with planning and hoping… I’m thankful that I’ve been able to experience both.  And I am simply not thinking about my age. ;)  Or my husband’s age. ;)

I have been feeling… awful.  Barely making it through the days kind of awful.  Which of course helps explain my frustration with not being able to get anything done.  I am hoping that as I progress into the 2nd trimester this gets much much better.  

We are keeping an eye on my progesterone levels, which dip distressingly low… I’m getting 4 injections per week (from my husband!  Who is not a nurse, and if he were, might just be the world’s worst.) to keep my levels up – this is because of our previous miscarriages due to low progesterone.  After some worry a week or so ago, we had the above ultrasound.  Baby was waving arms and legs, practically bouncing, and had a wonderfully strong heartbeat. :)

I am so thankful.

Joyfully yours,

Too Much To Do (or a lazy mom whines)

 

“I used to think that we can have almost anything we want from life, that it’s just a question of organization.  But now I’m beginning to think that we have to make a choice more often than we’d like.  The important thing is to make sure that it’s our choice, no one else’s, and that we make it honestly.”
- Adam Dalgliesh in Death of an Expert Witness, by P.D. James

I just can. not. fit it all in. 

After being sick most of December and having some set backs in January, I have been feeling overwhelmed with the daily stuff that life is made of.  I want to blog… but then when it comes down to it, I’d rather read a good book, soak in the tub, or stare at a blank wall. 

I keep thinking I need to write in my journal for M – all these things I want to remember – things I want him to remember – words of wisdom… that sort of thing.  But well, when it comes down to it… it just hasn’t been happening.  (I hope that doesn’t make me a bad mother, because I’m afraid this is just the way it’s going to be for a while.)

I’m trying to organize some trouble spots in our home, our time, and the two pack rats I live with.  Or trying to at least live with them without going crazy.  Ok, more honestly, trying to figure out how to throw things away without them noticing. ;)

I’ve been rediscovering my passion for sewing and crocheting and creating beautiful things with my hands.  I’ve even taken up loom-knitting.  I am a crocheter through and through, but I do understand that a knitted something-or-other is nice to have sometimes too. ;)

I’m trying to work out the struggle inside that I’m having with facing these final months of small-childhood for M… the last of our days completely together; this time when I can see so clearly into his heart and mind. 

I’m in the process of opening an Etsy store (don’t hold me to this, I’m only mentioning it in the hopes that it will actually make me work on it), revamping my blog, and creating a new site to house the free printables I offer.  I’m working on an Easter e-book with a friend, and creating some reading helps for M’s “school time”.  I’m putting together a space unit and an ocean unit, and thinking about plans for learning about how the human body works.

I think there are some reviews I’m supposed to be working on too.

And then there are friends, family, daily housekeeping, raising a small boy who wants my every minute, errands, and social events.

Sheesh.  But seriously, how do you make choices to not do some of these things?   They all seem so necessary… or else are things I really enjoy!  I’ve realized that I’m so busy trying to organize everything into something manageable that I’m losing peace and joy in the struggle.  Sometimes choices have to be made! 

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?  How do you cut back, or even choose the areas in which to cut back?

There are so many interesting things I want to share with you, so I’m going to try to get back into blogging.  I’m hoping to share the basics of  the reading program we are going through, and our arts and crafts activities a couple of times a month.  I want to write about all the amazingly good books we’ve been reading and how we are fitting more books than ever into our days, our new chore system (new as in started 6 months ago, but just not written about yet), and lots of other things… look for some good announcements soon about a few of the things I’m working on. :)

Thanks for reading, and letting me vent (I am amazed to see that my readership has gone up over the past few months instead of down – you are all so appreciated!). 

Here’s to getting back into the swing of things!

Have a beautiful day! :)

Is Preschool Necessary? Academics (3)

{Continued from yesterday’s post}

The issue of attachment and how it affects a child’s ability to learn is something I’ve thought about a lot lately.  Dr. Gordon Neufeld makes a strong case for the importance of attachment in a child’s life in his book Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers.  I could write a hundred posts about the wisdom in this book, but instead I’ll just highly recommend that you read it for yourself if this issue interests you at all.

The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons From Falling Behind in School and Life, by Michael Gurian also speaks a bit about the relationship between secure attachments and learning.  Here’s a bit of what the author says regarding this issue: 

“Children with secure attachments are more likely to make learning gains for a biological reason : the organic mechanisms in the brain by which the brain learns require secure attachment in order to grow fully.” (p. 71)

(I wrote more about this book here, here, and here.)

Attachment (love, affection, and a sense of security in relationship with another person) is necessary for learning in small children.  And there is evidence that making and then breaking attachments can actually hinder a preschool / kindergarten-aged child’s ability to learn.  Of course if the children have learned to attach to other children instead of the adult present then they have an easier time, at first, with focusing on learning, giving credence to the idea that socialization via being in groups of peers is a good and helpful thing in a child’s education.  Dr. Neufeld spells out how this “peer-orientation” as he calls it, is actually detrimental to a child’s future healthy maturation, and causes all sorts of problems in parent-child relationships later on. 

Dr. David Elkind predicted in the 1980’s what affect the then-current trends in early education, and the accompanying stresses, would have on the preschool children of the ‘80’s when they became adolescents.  It seems to me that he was right on the mark (just look at the violence and aggression that seemed to erupt with teenagers of the nineties!):

[Speaking of teenagers in the eighties, those who were preschooled in the late sixties, or early seventies] “Teenagers today are hurried children and show primarily stress symptoms, the symptoms of being pushed too hard too soon.  My guess is that the teenagers of the nineties will be more neurotic than teenagers today.  They will show more obsessions, more compulsions, more phobias, more psychosomatic symptoms than do teenagers today.

…If we refuse to recognize what miseducation is doing to our young children, we will put a significant proportion of the next generation at risk for personality problems and for occupational mediocrity.”

As far as the attachment issue goes, my main concern is two-fold.  The first is the risk that M will become more peer-oriented than parent-oriented.  The second is the idea of M becoming attached to a preschool teacher, than having that attachment broken, having to re-attach to a new teacher in kindergarten, and so on throughout the elementary years. Yes, I know this is just part of life in our current society, but I’m not sure it has to be, or is therefore healthy for small children to experience.  Many European schools have teachers follow “their children” from one grade to another for several years in a row because they know this is healthier for the children and better suited to the goal of educational success.  And of course, having Mama be the teacher eliminates this concern altogether. ;)

A thought that just popped into my head (or flew into my funnel as M, lover of trains, says):  Remember Laura Ingalls Wilder and how she taught children of all different ages, all in one room (socialization amongst different age groups?  Oh my!), and how she continued being their teacher throughout most of their schooling years?  That is how school used to be, and I’m pretty sure it was a great system.  How did we get from that to this current shuffling of children from one teacher to another, while losing many of them in the crowd; focusing more on teaching methods and classroom control, instead of children’s individual learning styles? Efficiency may not be worth the toll it takes on childhood and secure attachments.

I’ll finish up tomorrow… I know you wait with baited breath. ;)

Have a beautiful day! :)

Is Preschool Necessary? Academics (2)

(Continued from yesterday’s post.)

Preschool today is very different from the nursery school many of us went to as a small child.  In his book, Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk, Dr. David Elkind writes about social changes in the past several decades that have led to the more formal education of preschool-age children. 

By all means, I do not think that many of these social changes in and of themselves were bad, but it seems that society doesn’t often think about the fact that the institutionalization of education in general, and preschools in particular, are relatively recent developments.

I could go on and on about this subject, but my main point is that what was once considered a necessity for mothers who had to work outside the home, has evolved into the norm and is now perceived by many as necessary preparation for kindergarten.

The idea that a normal, well-developed child needs special preparation in order to be ready for kindergarten strikes me as somewhat ridiculous.  It’s kindergarten!  If it is the case that a 5 or 6 year old child needs special preparation for kindergarten, then it seems to me (and I know this may not be a popular point of view) that something is terribly wrong with our education system.

I do believe preschool-aged children benefit from being exposed to all kinds of wonderful experiences, and encouraged to learn about what interests them (within parental guidelines of course).  However, I do have a few concerns about focusing too much on education during early childhood.

First, it seems to me that as we enrich our children’s lives with one wonderful experience after another, we sometimes forget to let them have down time.  Good chunks of “nothing to do” time is a stress-reliever, and a means of getting to know oneself.  Time to one’s self is also necessary in order to reflect on and process experiences, and eventually glean lessons from those experiences.

Secondly, doesn’t it seem like the more we provide interesting and stimulating things for our children, the more they seem to expect every moment to be fun and exciting? And if it is not, they look to us to provide them with some new stimulation.  In my childhood, an outing or special event, or a new activity, was an infrequent thing, and very special.  I sometimes think we fill our children’s lives with so many “special” things that in the end not one thing is truly special.  An eagerness to learn is one thing in our children, but a belief that the world revolves around them is quite another thing.  The current “busy-ness” of today’s children (which is becoming common even among very small children) just seems to promote this sense that they are the center of everything.

Before today’s institutional schools were common, middle class children had simple childhoods, were taught basics by a tutor or their mother, and then the burden of occupying and educating themselves was on their own shoulders, not the responsibility of anyone else.  I think education was more highly valued and more enthusiastically pursued then than currently, when a sense of entitlement has snuffed out the pleasure of working hard for, and achieving, an education. 

My third concern is regarding the issue of attachment, which I’ll save for tomorrow. :)

Is Preschool Necessary? Part Four – Academics

{PART ONE      PART TWO      PART THREE}

I thought this would be the easiest post of this series to write.  After all, how much can a person have to say about preschool academics?  But as my thoughts delved into more areas than I expected, the post kept getting longer and longer (you know I have trouble keeping things short and sweet anyway!).  For that reason I’ve decided to split it into four {oh yes, I said four!} sections – one post each day all the way to Friday.  Get comfy and hold on! ;)

Academics in preschool… this is actually where I began my journey toward understanding that there are alternatives to traditional school.  Now look at me – I feel like a completely different person than I was just a few short years ago. 

When M was very small (about the age in the photo above, not quite 2 years), I assumed we would put him in Kindergarten at 5 years old, which would be this fall.  His birthday is late August, and he would be one of the youngest children in his class, which was totally okay with me.  He was brilliant (hahaha, not that I was biased or anything), and I thought the sooner he started school the better – how else to develop all that latent genius?  And preschool, at 3 or 4, would only give him that much more of a head start.  Um, wouldn’t it?

And then, crazy as it sounds, I realized my husband had his own ideas about all of this (the nerve!).  He was adamant that, with a late summer birthday, it would be better to wait until M was 6 years old before beginning Kindergarten.  What?!  I started Kindergarten when I was 4, and there is nothing wrong with me. 

Oh wait.  Except that I never really enjoyed school. 

The pressures – socially and academically – were really stressful for me.  I can see now, that with another year (or two) under my belt I would have been better prepared developmentally for what was expected of me throughout all of my elementary years.  As it was, I loved being sick and getting to stay home (sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?).  All I really wanted was home, Mama, and a little security.  To be completely honest, I had begged to go to school, and my parents had reluctantly agreed.

I was ready and very eager to learn…but I was only 4 years old! 

The basic emotional and psychological needs of my little 4 year old self weren’t being met by being in school, and so everything was a struggle. 

I wanted to be a big kid, but you can’t be a big kid until you’re all done being a little kid! 

So I want M to take his time with being a little kid – it’s an important time of his life, really his foundation for a happy life – and it’s not something I want to rush him through.

I was academically ready to learn what I was “supposed” to learn at 4, but the joy of learning, which was what prompted my strong desire to go to school in the first place, was completely snuffed out.  I struggled with being unhappy and yet at the same time having to put forth the effort to learn new things... things that someone else had decided I needed to learn, not the things I was interested in and naturally wanted to learn about. 

(Not that I think kids should never have to learn about something they aren’t interested in, just not basic academics at 4 years old, in my opinion.  Exposing them to new ideas and skills, and playing off of what naturally interests them, is different than requiring them to learn.)

In this country since that time (mid 1970’s) kindergarten has changed dramatically.  What once was reserved for first and second grade is now being formally taught in kindergarten, and kindergarten curriculum is being pushed down into preschools.  Yes, it’s presented in fun ways, and many children love it.  But the pressure to learn is still there – not necessarily from the preschool teacher, but from parents who want proof that their children are learning and thus getting a supposed leg up on the competition.   (Yes, I know this is not all parents, but I know myself and am concerned that I could turn into that kind of parent, given the chance.)

After many conversations with my husband, I began doing some research on this crazy “later is better than earlier” idea, and I have to say, I’ve been convinced.  We have time.  Time for M to grow up at his own pace.  Time to learn to read, time to explore science and develop math skills.  Time.  He does not have to go out and get a job tomorrow.  He just needs to be happy and secure and loved right now. 

More tomorrow…. :)

Video by Dr. Gordon Neufeld

In yesterday’s post I mentioned that I am reading Dr. Neufeld’s book, Hold Onto Your Kids.  In his book he compares a child’s need for secure attachment to his parents to a child’s physical need for food.  If a child is not secure in the fact that food will be provided for him, and that in fact, more than enough food will be provided, he will be so preoccupied with food that he will not be able to move on from that point and grow.  The same is true for love – a child needs enough and more than enough love and affection and security in order to grow out of that stage and into a more independent and mature person. 

I was really touched by this video by Dr. Neufeld, which speaks a bit to the same point.  I hope you’ll watch it – it is only 5 minutes long, but I’d suggest watching it at a time when you can give it your full attention.

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

Is Preschool Necessary? (Part three)

part one   part two

SOCIALIZATION AND THE SHY CHILD
{I’m also going to address the “over-mothering” issue (mentioned in part one) as it just seems to fit here.}

M is often on the receiving end of comments like these:  “Why are you being so shy?!”  “Come on, M!  You know these kids!”  “Stop being so shy!  You’re just being silly!”  I cringe every time I hear something like this said to him. 

Being shy is not wrong.  Being outgoing is not wrong.  They are simply different ways of being.  “Shy” does not automatically equal “unhappy”!  (But hearing things like the above comments can certainly affect a shy child’s happiness and inner peace.)

When I was a child I heard similar comments pretty often.  Not once did it make me feel more comfortable in the situation, or make me feel not shy.  It only made me very self-conscious, and aware that it wasn’t ok with everyone for me to just be me.

Well-meaning people have told us that preschool will “help” M overcome his shyness.  I suppose it could change his behavior, yes – but at what cost?  There is something to be said for the child who chooses to observe and understand a situation before jumping into it.  I’m not sure I want to “fix” this trait in M; it may serve him well throughout his life! 

I’ve discovered a much easier way to help him become comfortable in new situations: listen to and respect his instincts. 

In my opinion, this is how children learn to respect and value others. If we truly understand the dignity and intrinsic value of ourselves, we tend to recognize and appreciate the value of others!  This really is the basis of true respect for others. 

I have heard that you know if you are an introvert or an extrovert by how you relax and re-energize.  Does it energize you to be at a party with friends, talking and having fun?  Then you’re most likely an extrovert.  Does it energize you to spend time alone, simply being by yourself and thinking or enjoying a hobby?  Then you are probably an introvert. 

For introverted children, being in large groups, while it may be fun, can also be very stressful.  I’ve noticed that M’s “shyness” manifests itself in a variety of ways in large groups – he may be clingy, act really wild and hyperactive (definitely a sign he is feeling some stress), sometimes it even comes out as anger he can’t control.   Why would I send him into, what for him is a stressful situation, without also providing him with the emotional security he needs?  If, at 4 or 5 years old, he can’t depend on his mother for that security, to whom will he turn in order to find it?  Isn’t that, in part, what mothers are for?

I don’t believe maturity can be rushed along, and I think it’s a mistake to try.  My husband and I often comment on how kids are so different now than we were at that age.  It seems like they are growing up more quickly, but never truly maturing.  It’s my opinion that real maturity and true independence will naturally develop if the needs of children, appropriate to their development level, are met.   

I think of what I do with M in new social settings as a sort of emotional “scaffolding”.  Often, when I’m helping M learn something new, I’ll “scaffold” the activity for him, setting him up to succeed little by little until he has the skill or information mastered (I’ve talked about this in some of our preschool activity posts).  Comfort with the material, and a few rungs of success behind him, give him much more confidence than simply forcing him to do something he’s not ready for. 

For example, when we are starting a new class or activity, if he wants me to sit on the floor with him, I will.  If something I can do will make him feel secure enough that he can forget himself and really get into what is going on around him, I do it.  Eventually, his comfort in the environment and his level of confidence will increase; I can’t force this to happen, but I can create an environment in which it will happen naturally.  At the right speed for him, I slowly move into the background.  Being close to him during this time when he needs me also allows me to model correct behavior for him – listening to the leader, following directions, keeping my hands to myself (and reminding M of all this as necessary).  If I didn’t do this, the insecurity and discomfort he would feel, would be his focus, and he would not really get anything out of the class or party or whatever it is. 

Is allowing him the time to observe and get comfortable somehow smothering, giving too much attention, or coddling? Does it stem from a desire to keep him from growing up?

No.  It’s simply allowing him to be himself and letting him depend on me for the safe place he needs for the time being; this is the foundation from which he can grow into a mature and independent person.  You can’t learn and grow if you’re busy just trying to feel secure where you are.

As mothers, we don’t hesitate to take responsibility for meeting the physical and emotional needs of our infants.  There’s a temptation, though, as they grow and get past that stage of total neediness, to feel that we just can’t wait for them to grow up.  Sure, children want independence, and it’s great to teach them how to brush their own teeth, button their shirts, tie their shoes for themselves, etc.  But are we expecting them to become emotionally independent too soon?  I admit that sometimes I’ve just been tired of being needed!  But thankfully I always come back to wanting what is truly best for M, even though it may take some effort and sacrifice on my part.

A reader recently recommended a book to me: Hold Onto Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.  (Thank you, Claire!)  I have just started reading it, but the basic premise of the book seems to be that children must be and need to be dependent on someone and feel emotionally attached to someone, hopefully one or both parents.  If a child does not have that relationship with his parents, he will find it somewhere else – it is just that basic of a need.  If a child has been allowed to depend on his parents to meet that need for attachment, he will not have such a strong need to find acceptance among his peers.  In other words, he’ll be secure enough to be his own person.  And yes, this is important even in early childhood. 

Emotional and psychological independence, in time, will grow naturally from a secure foundation.  It’s not something we have to rush along.

It’s not about “sheltering” or being over-protective.  It’s about helping him grow up in a way that allows him to know himself and become a healthy adult who will influence his world instead of being influenced by it.  And that is one of many wonderful things that I want for him.  

Note: I will be out of town for the next couple of weeks, then on a little break, and so won’t get to part 4 (academics in preschool) until sometime in May.  Other posts will (hopefully) be scheduled for my time away though, so keep reading! ;)

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Preschool Necessary? (part two)

Part one of this post is here. 

Socialization in Preschool

What exactly do people mean when they say preschool is good (or even necessary) for socialization?  Honestly, it’s something I’ve had a hard time understanding.

My best guess is that people who speak of preschool as being necessary for socialization actually mean something like this:

• preschool can help the child learn to get along with other children (sharing, taking turns, manners, etc).
• preschool will give the child an environment in which to make friends his own age.
• preschool can help the child get ready for formal schooling in a classroom setting.

I think that everyone who has encouraged us to send M to preschool has good intentions.  All of these people care about him on some level.  I feel I need to take their concerns and look at them, not just dismiss them, in the spirit of maintaining healthy, caring, and peaceful relationships.

Let’s get the third reason out of the way first.  Since I tend to think that the older a child is, and the more developmentally ready he is, the better he’ll be able to learn in a classroom setting, I don’t give a lot of weight to this particular argument.  Also, with 13 years of school ahead of him, most likely he’s got time to figure all that out, if necessary.  Also, most preschool classrooms are very different from the classroom of a higher grade, as they should be.  I agree that it’s important for a child to learn to respect authority figures other than his parents, but this can be achieved in many other ways.

Now, in regards to learning social skills and making friends…

It seems to me that the best way to learn social skills is to have parents who are good role models and who make the time and effort to teach their child the kind of behavior that will best equip him for healthy relationships in the future.

Why the parents?  Simply because parents are the people most important to the child; their opinion matters most to him; from them he gets (or should get) the nurturing his body and mind and soul crave, which helps develop his confidence and a sense of his self-worth.  And this is exactly what he’ll take with him into the “real world” where he will have to get along with others, and form friendships, and know how to behave in a variety of situations.

Doesn’t it seem that, as adults, we often find ourselves looking to other people in our lives to meet some need we feel?  Quite often it seems (to me) that need stems from something that was lacking in our childhood.  For example, children who were abandoned or always in fear of abandonment, still fear it in adulthood and can place unrealistic expectations on another person, hoping that this person will finally make them feel safe.  That’s an extreme example to make a point, but I think the principle plays out in other, less dramatic, ways also.  It’s hard to overestimate the value of developing a good, secure, relationship between parents and children.  And it’s something we can’t rush along.  And “attachment” isn’t a bad thing at 4 or 5 years old.

As M’s mother, I am in a position to stay on top of behavior issues with him – I can remind him a hundred times a day (and I think there have been days like that!) that he needs to share and take turns and develop a caring heart towards others.  I can take him with me to the store, the post office, church, playgroups, etc. and show him by my example how to be polite and mannerly.  I can take him with me to pick out toys for less fortunate children; donate diapers and formula for new babies; or take him to visit elderly people on a Meals on Wheels route, all the while teaching him about the respect we owe to each person, and the inherent dignity of each human being regardless of where they live or what their abilities are. 

By talking to him one-on-one about these things, I’m able to discern his growth in these areas of true “socialization”, answer questions he may have, and help him develop a greater understanding of what we, as a family, hold valuable.  I would not, for the world, give up the amazingly deep conversations about these things that we sometimes have.  For the record, I know that doing these things would still be important if he went to preschool.  But finding time for them would be much more difficult! 

So, it would seem to me that it’s better and more do-able to socialize a child out in the “real world” during normal day to day life with mom and dad, rather than in a preschool. 

However, parents are people, and as such have strengths and weaknesses, and can not be all things to all children. Many parents have strengths in areas where I am definitely weak (healthful cooking; rough playing, especially with boys; etc).  For some families, preschool meets a need and is great.

But one of the areas in which I have done well has been making sure we have ample opportunities to learn and socialize outside of our home.  (I actually feel that we are too busy sometimes, and try to limit our days away from home to no more than 3 per week, not including weekends).

I’ve been thinking about the social skills that M already has – he’s polite (most of the time, hee hee), truly cares about others, knows how to share and take turns, can carry on conversations with anyone of any age, plays well with other children (provided there are not too many other children… this is something I’ll talk about in my next post, in regards to the socialization of a shy child), and is developing a sense of responsibility in his every day life.  By my standards, he has great social skills for a 4 year old!   

In addition to the activities mentioned in an earlier paragraph, we have 1 to 2 playgroup meetings per week, as well as one-on-one play dates quite often (he does have a few friends!), a nature center class each week, a music class most weeks, frequent outings to indoor playgrounds in the winter and parks in the summer, and weekly trips to the library.  Add to this lots of time with mom and dad at home, as well as seeing cousins and grandparents most weekends, and you’ve got a pretty well-rounded and happy kid. 

Preschool can be fun, there’s no doubt about it.  It can provide a lot of wonderful, stimulating ideas and activities.  Many children love preschool!  I am not trying to bash preschool, and I sure hope it doesn’t seem like that’s my point here.  I know wonderful, wonderful preschool teachers who are doing great jobs.  I hope that throughout M’s life he has teachers (regardless of grade) like Deborah over at Teach Preschool, who wrote this very encouraging post (it’s well worth reading!).  The problem I have is the apparent confusion between socializing and socialization.  Socializing with children of the same age is not the same as teaching the child good social skills.  In fact, I’ve seen and heard of situations where the opposite effect has occurred – being around a large group of children for a while or on a regular basis can cause a child to pick up attitudes and phrases and all kinds of things that we definitely do not consider good social skills! 

Maybe my opinions on this subject stem from my own experiences in school – throughout all of my school years, I clearly remember being told that I was there to learn, “not to socialize”. ;)  (I’m a “talker”, as you can see by the length of this post!)  Remember, the family is the most basic building block of society.  If a child does not learn social skills and how to be a good friend from his family first, most likely no school will be able to do the job later on.

Whew – that’s enough for now.  I want to talk about shyness and socialization in my next post on this subject.  I promise it won’t be this long!

Your comments are always welcome!

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

Is Preschool Necessary? (part one)

Most of you know I don’t want to send M to preschool.  Intuitively, I want to keep him with me one more year – doing what we’ve been doing all along – hopefully helping him grow into a confident, capable boy with a caring heart.

I operate on intuition a lot.  This doesn’t mean logic and reason don’t come into play when I make decisions – they definitely do.  It just means that I am comfortable listening to my feelings and examining what my heart is telling me.  I have found that, quite often, my heart is picking up on easy-to-miss little things and whispering to me to pay attention!.

Intuition has “told” me of many engagements, new lives, even deaths, before I actually heard the news.  My family is never surprised when I know something before they tell me. 

Intuition told me to stay home with my new baby and let the world of work rush by without me; that what he really needed was for Mama to hold him and love him and know him, and that if I just did that everything else would fall into place.

Intuition had me at his side those first few weeks, loving him and bonding with him, hurrying to his side whenever he cried.  And intuition is what told me that in the natural course of things he wouldn’t always be so needy, and that at 6 months I would respond a tiny bit differently than at 6 weeks, and a bit more differently at a year, and so on.  I felt, quite often at that time, that I was being judged (although it could very well have just been those hormones!) for jumping up whenever he needed me.  When I began teaching him that he needed to be patient for mama and that mama would always come, but that sometimes learning to go to sleep is important too I would let him cry for a few minutes (never much though, to be honest).  And I distinctly remember seeing looks exchanged between people, as if to say – “wow, she’s finally learned!”  But the truth is, it was just intuition telling me that a baby at one year has different needs than a baby at 6 weeks.  It was a sense of his development and just knowing in my heart what he was ready for and what was best for our family.  I would still rush to a new baby as soon as possible if he cried!

Intuition is telling me, in a bit more than its usual whisper, that preschool is not right for M.  Not right now anyway.  Who knows, things may change by fall, I don’t know.  I do try to keep my mind open and pray that what is right and best for him is what ends up happening.  No matter how much I pray though, I keep coming back to the thought that as M’s mother, God has given me this gift of intuition to help me know what the right thing to do is.  As his mother, I understand and know him better than anyone else.  I am the primary advocate of his well-being, and it’s a job I don’t take lightly.

For his sake, as well as my own peace of mind, I want to take what I am feeling intuitively, and support it with reason.  There are a few factors that I want to explore and write about in relation to preschool:

• socialization, especially in light of the fact that he is naturally an introvert and can be a bit shy at times.
  
• academics – what is being taught in the preschool that we would send him to, and how this lines up with what he needs, wants, and is developmentally ready for, as well as what we want for him.
  
• the idea of “mothering” him too much – does he, at this age, need formal school time away from me?  If so, why? 
  

I’m trying to be so orderly about getting my thoughts put down on paper (cyber paper, that is), and it’s not an easy task for this jumbled up brain of mine. :)  Hopefully over the next few weeks I’ll be able to write posts about all of these things.  Feedback is so very, very appreciated!

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

New Year – New Hopes, New Goals

This sweet praying angel is one of my favorite things to bring out at Christmas time.  She was given to me by a dear friend, and I imagine her prayers are my own, but she’s a bit more diligent about it than I am.  :)  Doesn’t she just seem so peaceful and trusting, even in the middle of unending supplication?  I may leave her out for all of 2011.

I know what she and I are praying for as this new year begins:  peace, grace, focus… and a little joy would be nice too. (A very little joy, wrapped up in a blanket, and looking an awful lot like a baby would certainly be nice, wouldn’t it? ;) This might take a miracle, but my sweet angel and I will continue to pray.)

I’m in the middle of drafting a post about the routine and rhythm we’ve developed over the past couple of months, so I won’t go into that too much here – but I do hope to use my time more wisely this year; and plan to set aside time on a regular basis to see what’s working, what needs to change, and whether or not my priorities are what they ought to be.

There are a few things I am going to work on, and I’m going to try to schedule most of these into my weekly calendar somehow:

• I need to find make time to exercise at least 3 times a week.
• Read daily to M (the snuggled-up kind of reading, not just bedtime stories or our chapter books at lunch).
• Prepare and actually do more activities pertaining to our faith.
• Organize about 5 areas of our home that really need it and are making me crazy.  Winter should be a great time to do this, but I’m trying to figure out how to do it and still have time for everything else…
• Make a decision about preschool this fall – I really thought we’d already made a decision (to not do preschool outside of home), but an enlightening conversation with family members over Christmas has turned it into a question again (ugh).
• Really sit down and form my thoughts about homeschooling (pros and cons) in a way that will help me explain, out loud, how I feel, and help others to understand. 
• In regards to preschool activities with M:
  • More reading of *good* books – I recently went through the book, Books Children Love: A Guide to the Best Children's Literature, and marked a bunch that sound enjoyable and are on M’s level.  The book was written to help Charlotte Mason followers find good literature for children instead of “twaddle”.  I found it very helpful, and found myself becoming more interested in Charlotte Mason and her ideas about education. 
  • Some book activities, hopefully, in relation to the above.  The planning of this, for one child, is a bit daunting for me.  We’ll see as we read, whether or not I can come up with activities.  (Yes, I know about Five in a Row, and should really look into it more.  I’m kind of stubborn when it comes to spending $$ on things I could do myself, and stubborn about planning activities that I know will appeal to M – he’s a custom-job kind of kid.)
  • More gross motor activities and exercise time with M twice a week.
  • More art (is that possible?) – meaning more looking at beautiful art, learning a tiny bit about various artists, art museum trips, more learning about various techniques, etc.  Books Children Love, was helpful in this area, and lists art books and the ages each one appeals to. 
  • More music – our first step in this is a fun local class once a week.  We may not make it to all the classes, as it falls on the same day that we do other things, but I’m looking forward to garnering good ideas from it when we are able to go.
  • More hands-on work with science, since this is M’s favorite thing. 
• In regards to blogging:
  • More posts about faith-related activities for preschoolers.
  • Posts about depression, especially post-partum depression – there’s a lot of good writing out there about this, and I’m sure I don’t have anything new to add to the conversation, but it’s just something I want to do as it seems there’s a lot of misunderstanding and lack of knowledge among people in my personal life.  It’s another “I’ll write it all out so I know how to explain it out loud” kind of thing.
  • A series of posts about homeschooling books I’ve read – there are 3 very good ones, in particular, that I want to make notes about.
• And, finally, after all of this, I want to work on an opportunity that has presented itself to make a little $$ from home, while working on something I love… again, it’s a matter of working out a time for this and scheduling it in.  I’ll keep you all informed about this as any progress is made, because it may be beneficial to a lot of homeschool mamas. :)

Whew.

Any plans on your part for the new year?  I’d love to hear about them!

I hope your 2011 is off to a wonderful start and that all your dreams for the year will come true. :)

Have a beautiful day! :)

Birthday Reflections (a downer post, which gets better towards the end, if you make it that far) :)

My birthday was this week.  I’m 38 years old.  Ack!  38?!  How did that sneak up on me so quickly??  Ah well, 40 is the new 30 you know, so no worries.   You didn’t know that?  Well, now you do because I just said so! :)  Sometimes it really comes in handy to be a mom who can say, “because I said so”, doesn’t it? ;)

I had some time to myself the day before my birthday and I was thankful to have a little time to reflect.  Introverted me always gets super-introverted on the eve of a milestone.  Seriously, I used to LOVE spending New Year’s Eve alone in a room lit with candles, just thinking, or sometimes journaling about the past year and wondering about the year to come.  Can anyone be more nerdy/anti-social than that?

I began thinking about this past year, and other than the passing away of my grandmother, it felt like a relatively uneventful year.  I accomplished pretty much NOTHING. 

The thought struck me that there are quite a few things I regret about the past year – not being on top of tasks; not being a perfect, patient, gentle, loving mommy; not being the world’s best wife (not by a long shot, let me tell you); etc.  I could make a very long list, but I will spare you.  The point is, I was focusing on what I’m not, and seeing very little good in what I am or have done this past year.

As I thought about how I’ve spent my time, I kept returning to the fact that a disproportionate amount of time has been spent online – blogging, surfing, reading blogs, planning activities for M – you know, all the stuff we do with the internet at our fingertips.  It’s been disproportionate in the sense that there’s not much in real life to show for it.  There’s a little. But not enough to justify the amount of time spent on it.  Or so I thought.

As I began thinking about blogging and the role it plays in my life (you know this is not the first time I’ve thought this whole thing over – it seems like I’m always needing a “break”, doesn’t it?), I began to think that maybe I don’t really like having a blog.  Maybe I don’t like rehashing every little thing we do; maybe I don’t like the time spent wondering if anyone is going to comment and tell me they just love my ideas and are going to use them (because the first time I got a comment like that I was immediately addicted to it and wanted more).  Maybe I don’t really like spending so much time thinking about myself.  Maybe that leads to a lot of time wasted instead of a lot of time… not wasted.  Maybe, just maybe I could be a better mommy, a better wife, a better me if I just got over myself!

And then I started down the path of “has blogging had any impact for good in my life?”  I’m talking here about blogging in the early childhood, mama, homeschool community of bloggers. 

And of course, there’s a lot of truth in that paragraph above about spending too much time navel-gazing.  But thankfully there’s more to it than just that.  If I can sort through the bad, I see that there’s some good mixed in there too. 

And it comes down to this: my view of motherhood has changed simply by the fact that I’ve immersed myself into this community of bloggers.  My view of motherhood has changed because all of you have changed my heart.  I no longer think in terms of “when this phase of M being such a needy child ends, I will finally have my life back.”  I’ve come to view motherhood as being my life, my role in life in this season of my life. 

The purpose of my life at this point in time is to raise my child (and children, if we are blessed with more – ahem, are You listening, God? Time’s a-wasting!) and love my husband (who, thankfully, is pretty loveable).  There’s something very liberating about viewing my role as a mother this way.  Maybe it’s partly the sense of peace that comes from having a definite purpose in life that I can know and direct my efforts toward.  But it’s more than that.  It’s an end to the struggle of finding that elusive “balance” between meeting the needs of my family and meeting my own needs.  One doesn’t exclude the other.  If I never saw raising my child as the purpose of my life (at this time) it would be easy for me to put my attention on other things, never really letting it rest on him and his well-being, his education, his faith, his behavior. 

If I never had this realization (and I’m sure many of you are rolling your eyes, wondering why I’m only now getting it), I’d still be trying to make myself happy.  I’d still be searching “out there” for fulfillment.  You know – the way I spent all my time before having a baby – happily living for myself. 

Oh wait… was I really all that happy back then, living and working and doing everything for myself?  I distinctly remember years of unhappiness in the midst of all that self-centeredness, because I wanted a baby so badly and then lost babies through miscarriages and grieved and then went back to trying and then… well, you get the idea.  I wasn’t very happy, not really.  Not until a little blonde boy came along and made me Mama.

Now, I don’t want it to sound like M is my life (well, ok, I probably can’t fool you in regards to that); but let me make it clear that I don’t want this sense of his development being my “purpose” to create any pressure or stress for him.  That’s not what I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about a change that has occurred within myself,;, a change of perspective, I guess.  And I owe so much of it to you wonderful mama bloggers who take the time to write about your busy lives, and inspire the world simply by sharing your joy and love of being Mama.  Thank you for that.

It’s the same joy and love I felt when I was handed this on the morning of my birthday:

“Mommy happy birthday”

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

Preschool Math, Our Plan

Sometimes the homeschool blogging world is a great help, and sometimes it becomes something else… a place where we compare our children to others.  And, I think a bit unrealistically, it seems everyone else’s child knows more than “my” child.

M is not a great counter.  This strikes me and others as somewhat odd since he has the mind of a little engineer and/or scientist.  But he can only count to 13 consistently; he tries to count to 20, and then if he means a larger number he just says “forty-eighty-ninety”. :)  He is a bright boy and he’s interested in many things – like how the world and everything in it works.  Evidently, he just can’t be bothered with something small like learning numbers right now. ;)

If I thought he needed to know how to count to 100 by the time he was 4 I’d be driving myself and him crazy.  I’m perfectly fine with his limitations and don’t worry about it (not that I haven’t been tempted to push him just a little in this area after reading other blogs), but I know others out there do worry about these things.  There are mothers who read our blogs, and being wonderful mommies who want the best for their child, start wondering what they should be doing.  I know this because occasionally I get an email from a worried mom asking me what she needs to do.  I am so thankful in those cases that I have a normal, average boy and can offer her a little encouragement and reassurance.  Learning at this age should be all about FUN.  *In the middle of drafting this post, my friend Monica sent me a link to a great article about just this – keeping it simple!  It’s well worth the read.

The truth is a 4 year old doesn’t really need to count that high, or read on his own, or any other advanced academic skill.  M is not out looking for a job or even doing elementary homework yet.  By the time he needs a particular skill he will have it, I’m sure of it.  He’s busy learning about what interests him in the meantime, and there is nothing that will spur on learning like a genuine interest in something.

That said, I’ve noticed in the past 2 weeks that he is beginning to take a real interest in counting to higher numbers.  His dot-to-dot book, which he adores, has helped grow this interest.  Our calendar helps a bit too.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, has helped spur that interest on more than the little digital watch he got at Burger King.  Oh goodness, this kid wants to know what that watch says every minute of every day.  9:08 is one thing, but what in the world is 12:35?  He simply has to know. :)

We’ve just started doing “school” this week and I plan on using Montessori bead bars and number boards to aid in counting and other math skills.  I am by no means any kind of expert on Montessori.  I am just beginning to learn a little bit about Montessori.  My interest began when looking for ways to further M’s religious education, in fact… and here we are talking about math. :)  I think this will be a good journey for both M and I!

Anyway, for those of you who are interested, a great explanation of a simple Montessori bead bar exercise is here.  You’ll note the recommended age for beginning this work is 4.5.  Whew!

I made my own bead bars, using pipe cleaners and pony beads.  Simply twist a pipecleaner at one end, making a little loop.  Then slide on your pony beads.  Each number has a different color – 1 is red, 2 is green, etc.  After sliding on the appropriate color and number of beads, cut your pipecleaner, leaving a little bit at the end to twist into another loop.  So far I’ve made 2 of each bar from 1 to 9, and 20 golden (in this case, clear with gold glitter) 10-bead bars.   This should get us pretty far in our lessons.  These took about an hour to make one afternoon.  I’ve also made my own number cards and teen board, and then found them already online in a printable version on this site. Go to the middle of the page to find the link for printing Teen and Ten boards.

I will not try to explain the procedures for the lessons with the number cards and the boards, but if you are interested, I have found great videos here, here, and here.    

Have a beautiful day! :)

 

Do Simplicity, Focus, and Recollection Characterize your life?

No?  Huh.  Mine either.  But it kind of sounds nice, doesn’t it?

This is a question that I’ve been thinking about lately, and it came from a list that is used as an aid in an Examination of Conscience. 

An Examination of Conscience is pretty much what it sounds like – taking a few minutes at the end of the day to think about the choices and decisions you’ve made throughout the day, as well as your thoughts and actions, and seeing how they line up with what you believe is God’s will for your life.  Some things are pretty easy – the next time M sprinkles glitter all over the kitchen floor I’ll try to remember gentleness and patience are a better path to take than yelling and turning into Crazy Mommy.  And some things take a bit more soul-searching – did I spend my time wisely today?  Did laziness keep me from completing all the *reasonable* duties of the day, or was I honestly trying to do too much? 

It’s nice to do this on a daily basis – improvement in our (my!) spiritual life will only happen if we are conscious of our weaknesses.  

The main thing to remember in order to not get discouraged when I have several bad days in a row is that there is always grace.  Grace to start over again, and get back on track. 

 

Moderation in all Things

This aid in an Examination of Conscience was written by Joseph Michalak, and based on the virtues (patience, love, temperance, hope, faith, etc.).  It asks a series of questions for each particular virtue, and assists one in thinking about the day.  This particular question comes from the section on temperance, or balance – something we are always talking about and striving for, right?  That elusive balance that will make everything go smoothly and everyone happy forever and ever.  The end. :)

There are several other good questions in this section too; questions like…

• Do I live a blanced and integrated life?  Do I recognize the signs of imbalance?
• What is a healthy pace of life for me?
• Am I gentle, especially in teaching and in giving correction?
• Do I find myself preoccupied with what others think of me?
• Do I aim at excellence in those things God has given me to do?
• Am I at home with silence?

 

Tranquility of Mind

But the one in the title of this post is the one I can’t stop thinking about.  Do simplicity, focus, and recollection characterize my life? I wasn’t even sure what was meant by “recollection”.  Here’s the definition:

Main Entry: rec·ol·lec·tion

Pronunciation: \ˌre-kə-ˈlek-shən\

Function: noun

Date: 1624

1 a : tranquillity of mind b : religious contemplation

Life never seems simple, but why shouldn’t it be?  Why shouldn’t we be tranquil and given to contemplation?  Why should it be so hard to just say no to some things? 

 

Having a Plan

I love to plan.  I actually have been known to spend so much time and energy in making plans that I’m worn out before we even begin doing anything.  I think having a plan for our days is a good thing, to the extent that it brings a sense of order to our life and our home, and leads to simplicity and peace. 

However, this is seldom the case with my planning, and I know I’m not alone here.  Why does having a plan have to mean enrolling my child in every available activity this summer, and then spending time rushing around everywhere?  Sometimes we moms even get anxious if we are facing time alone with our children and have no set plan. 

Well.  I’ve started taking some decisive actions to begin living this kind of life.  It won’t happen all at once, and I’m sure things will have to be tweaked here and there, but I’m aiming for peace in my heart and in my home.  A lot of this will be changing habits, creating a more orderly home, freeing up time, being quieter and more thoughtful throughout the day, focusing on what’s important and trusting that God will help me do what’s necessary each day in order to meet this goal.  Or at least get close to it. ;)

I guess that’s my teaser for the series I’ll be writing detailing these changes.  Stay tuned!

Have a beautiful and peaceful day! :)

Nurturing Positive Relationships and Socialization Skills – a list of goals, and some rambling…

I was asked to read Homeschooling for the Rest of Us, written by Sonya Haskins because many of my readers are homeschoolers. I’m working my way through it and have found so much great advice that I want to share some of it as I go along.
I am, technically, not a homeschooler. M is only 3, won’t start kindergarten until he is 6, and most likely will go to the private school associated with our church. However, I do place great importance on the fact that as his mother, I’m his primary teacher, his most important teacher at least for now. And, if you read this blog you know we do a lot of preschool learning activities. It comes naturally to me, I love doing it, M loves it even more… and it’s a way for us to spend special time together on a daily basis.
I struggle occasionally with what I should be doing with M. This brief time that he is mine alone… these short years of early childhood innocence… they are such a gift and I love being with him (that’s not to say it’s not a very tough job sometimes). But I feel the pressure of the clock winding down on us. What should my priorities be as his mother and first teacher? Well, love of God, knowledge of our faith, caring for others, manners… things that have to do with relationships. Strong, loving relationships are so much more important than academics at this age (probably this is true of any age). I admit, it’s harder work for me to help him develop a virtuous character, than it is to plan unit studies. (Evidently my own character isn’t quite perfect either – who knew? And still God entrusted this little guy to me; it floors me sometimes!)
What I love about Sonya Haskin’s book is that she stresses “relationships first, academics second”, especially for early childhood. What she writes about this topic is such an encouragement to me, and an affirmation that my instinct is right in this area.
What I particularly am appreciating right now is a list of goals regarding relationship growth (good social skills lend themselves to good relationships, right?) that Ms. Haskins provides early on in the book. For a list-maker, list-reader, and list-needer like me, it’s great to have something that I can refer to once in a while in order to make sure we are on the right track.
Here’s her list of what skills should be learned in early childhood…
“Students should be able to:

• take turns
• share with others
• use appropriate language
• use appropriate voice tone (yelling outside, quiet talk in side)
• say “please” and “thank you”
• praise others and avoid insults
• ask for help when needed
• stay on task
• look at others when spoken to
• communicate clearly
• wait patiently for lunch
• take care of belongings
• listen attentively
• resolve conflicts appropriately (no hitting, no biting)
• follow directions
• work with a team
• share ideas coherently
• understand age-appropriate social concepts
• help others" (pp. 45-46)
  

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this! Are there other things you’d add to the list? Let me know in the comments!
Have a beautiful day! :)

Interview with a 3 year old

What is your name?  Matthew.  I don’t want to say anything.  Don’t write!

When is your birthday?  August.

How old are you?  3 years old.

Who is your mama?  Mommy.

What does your mama do?  Um, I can’t remember.  (really?  because I could make a list a mile long.)

Who is your daddy? Daddy. 

What does Daddy do?  Go to work.

What is your favorite color?  Blue.

What is your favorite song?  Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

What do you want to do when you are a grown up?  Ride an airplane.

Where do you want to live when you grow up?  Ummm, I probably…. I might… uhhhh.  I just, I just want to live in Minnesota.  I want to live RIGHT HERE! (shaky voice and trembling lip – yikes!) 

What is your favorite food?  Mac ‘n’ cheese. 

What is your least favorite food?  I don’t know because most food… I like all of it.  (really?  because you usually only eat 5 things that we rotate and you never try anything new.  hmph.)

What is your favorite animal?  Uhhh, pretty much all the animals are my best, so I don’t know.

What do mama and daddy do when you go to bed?  Sleep.

Who does our family love the most?  Me!

Where do we go to church?  Big church and little church (apparently big church is where we go on Sundays, little church is where I take him Monday mornings for a mom’s prayer group – it’s a room in the big church.

Why do we go to church?  To pray to God.

What is your favorite movie?  Grinch.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?  strawberry.  (To my knowledge, he’s never had strawberry ice cream.)

Where do you like to eat?  McDonald’s

Who is your favorite person?  You!  Awww, really?  It really is!

Who is your best friend?  Oren.

What is your favorite book?  Corduroy.

What is your favorite thing to do?  Paint.

Tot School – Jan. 24, 2010

M is 40 months old.

This was a pretty light week for Tot School. I had quite a bit planned and ready to go, but M spent a large amount of time each day in pretend play and was so happily amusing himself, I just let him do his own thing. I expected him to ask to “do school”, but this really only happened on Monday while I was busy (of course!) with housework.

So… perhaps we are entering into a more involved creative play phase? I eavesdropped as much as I could and heard some pretty interesting and exciting things going on. :) It’s always a little stunning to me to realize that my little baby is a real boy and can think on his own and make up stories and well, who knows what else! Am I the only one feeling a bit of bewilderment at this sort of thing??

Anyway, enough rambling. M did his (independent) shelf activities while I cleaned Monday afternoon, and there are almost no action shots of these. Sorry, I know those are always more fun!

Math Skills:

M practiced his size sequencing skills with Scrambler (from Bob the Builder):

And with baseballs too:

Visual Discrimination:

I never know if this sort of thing is a math activity or what… anyway, I’ll just put it in it’s own little category for now. M did these Curious George Shadow Match cards:There’s more than just these, but for simplicity’s sake I only photographed a few. I thought these would be fun, but M was not interested. I will bring them back out some time soon because *I* think they are fun! Maybe he’ll change his mind next time around. :)

Literacy Skills:

M did two “cutting pages”, as he calls them, of the letters M and K. I can’t stress how much he LOVES to do these; they are always the very first thing he heads for. (See the gross brown stuff? That’s what happens when you leave your kid alone with a purple glue stick and he uses the entire thing on one page.)

Music:

We have been singing and playing our instruments a lot and listening to some cds. If anyone has any children’s music recommendations, I’d love to hear them! We learned a fabulous and cute new robot song. Listen to it here!

Fine Motor Skills:

M pulled out all of these puzzles on his own one day and did every single one of them. There were 12 little wooden puzzles in all:

On one of his shelves I put out a foam tray (this was originally a mushroom container at the grocery store), and a plastic needle with yarn. He poked the needle through the foam wherever he wanted and then pulled the long length of yarn through. He had so much fun with this and came to show me his “design” several times: I have to say this was definitely one of the hits of the week!

I also set out a new Dollar Tree 25 piece puzzle for him. He did this completely on his own the first time with no help. :) He’s definitely a puzzle boy. He was so proud of himself and said, “I just kept looking at the picture to see what piece I needed!”

His marble track came out and he put it together with only a little mama-direction. He loves this and it’s always fun.

A wonderful friend sent M this fantastic little peg board: Can you believe how cute it is?!? I was so excited when I saw it and so was M when he saw it waiting for him the next day. He made designs and rows of patterns, and ran to show me each one. :) This is a sign that he really, really likes something. And, I just realized that marbles sit perfectly on top of these little pegs, so I will be heading to the dollar store very, very soon. ;)

Creative Play / Large Motor Activities:

M was finally able to go outside and PLAY! Yay!

Early in the week we had some beautiful weather – it felt like a little bit of spring. :) In Minnesota that means it hit 32 degrees. ;) It lifted everyone’s spirits a little bit! M bundled up and went out… I wish I could’ve captured more of this on my camera, but I wasn’t able to get many good pictures. Ah well. Here you can see he is trying desperately to ride his bike on the small portion of our patio that has been shoveled: It didn’t quite work, but then he found a little ride on toy and “snowplowed” for a while. He then proceeded to lie on his tummy on the deep snow farther back in our yard, and play with his little cars and trucks for close to an hour. I even had our windows open to let in a little fresh air. :)

We made Monkey Bread on Wednesday. Yum, yum!

He really loves to bake with me and I need to do more of this kind of thing with him.

Life School:

We have had a challenging couple of weeks lately with M’s behavior. However, things are looking up and he has acquired some new freedoms and been given some new responsibilities. After I-don’t-know-how-many-months of trying to teach him to put one thing away before getting something new out it seems to have really sunk in! He has been so great about this and usually puts toys and activities away on his own without being asked. It’s absolutely heavenly! :) Of course there are always a few exceptions because he will need more than one thing in his play quite often… but I’m telling you, the bedtime clean up has gotten so much easier and quicker. Normally we only have 3 or 4 things to put away! Whoo-hoo! Because it used to be 20!

He’s also started making his own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and he’s allowed to use the microwave to cook his own chicken nuggets. :) This is all under very close supervision you understand. But still, he’s doing great and the more we work at making it fun for him to be a big boy, the better his behavior has gotten.

For more Tot School posts, check it out here!

Have a beautiful day! :)